flowers in a vase

It’s painful, I know.  To be sitting in an emotional place of “I don’t want to be here anymore.”, wanting to break free, but for whatever reason, can’t.  No matter how much effort is put into getting out of it, we still remain in it.  At times, it can even feel like we’re headed in the wrong direction . . backwards.

It feels yucky.

It’s frustrating.  Discouraging.  Self-doubt can emerge.  Sadness can set in.  We can feel like giving up hope that tomorrow will be any better than today, but for some strange reason, we don’t.  We want to get past this something we’re in.

What’s it all about?

Some might say it’s resistance, a nebulous energy that feels like it’s pushing back on us when we’re trying to move forward.  

I don’t disagree with this.  But I wonder why this energy shows up at all?

Some would say it’s because we’ve reached a threshold in our mind, a conditioned edge we’ve learned over time we’re not able to get past.  

Before we can get past it, sometimes there’s something the unconscious mind likes to do in order to continue to keep us safe and protected from the unknown.  So the unconscious sends in resistance.

Resistance can emerge when we want to do something we’ve never done before, but, it also can emerge when we want to feel in ways that are different from what we’ve become accustomed to feeling:  like the darker corners of the mind where the effects of a traumatic event or an addictive behaviour can take us.  Into a paralyzing fear, a deep depression, a debilitating anxiety, or  jumping out of the present moment and into a dissociated state.

The unconscious mind sends in resistance to meet us at the threshold of change.  It’s not there to block us.  It’s there so, with all the courage we can muster, we can face the experiences from our past that are mirroring the reasons why we can’t move forward.  Once we take the time to pay attention to resistance, it begins to loose its power, and dissolve.  Now the gate to our heart felt desire, can open.

Here are a few things to consider when we find ourselves face to face with resistance:

  • Be present to it,
  • Accept it as it is,
  • Get to know it,
  • Move the energy,
  • Listen.

In next week’s edition, we’ll take a look at the ways in which we can do these things, and in the course thereof, begin to make friends with resistance.  

One more thing:  There are those who would say, “Don’t entertain resistance, just push through it, and keep pushing until you’re where you want to be.”  I don’t disagree with the idea we need to keep moving in the direction of our desire, whatever it may be, but I believe it’s how we do this that’s important. 

It is possible to do harm to ourselves by pushing too hard too fast beyond our threshold of psychological comfort.  It’s not a popular idea, I know.  But to grow, I know want to be moving with myself and my energies, not against them.